


Lobster on butter

by Kat_the_Hetalia_fan



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alfred is an idiot, Butter, Crack, Food Kink, Human Names Used, M/M, One-Shot, Yaoi, lobster costume
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 17:16:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6713827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kat_the_Hetalia_fan/pseuds/Kat_the_Hetalia_fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alright, Matthew and Alfred were about to get it on and try food play. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this right? Leave it to Alfred to find a way to mess it up...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lobster on butter

Matthew smiled with excitement as he put the bowl of whipped cream on the tray, along with the other items. Whole strawberries, chocolate, a bottle of maple syrup, a big cucumber, caramel sauce, honey, and an assortment of berries. Tonight was going to be just perfect!

For tonight, he and Alfred were going to be trying food play for the first time. They had been together for a while now, and had decided to try and spice up their sex life by trying out some kinks. The first on the list was food play, since it was pretty safe, even if it was messy. Of course they had discussed everything first to make sure there was no confusion, and had divided up the tasks for this equally. Matthew would take care of things in the kitchen, and Alfred would get the bedroom prepped.

“Hey Al, are you ready yet? This food isn’t going to play with itself~” Matthew called to the bedroom with a smirk and a blush. Even though he typically topped with them, he STILL got shy some (all the) time. The first time they had done it, he kept his face buried in Alfred’s shoulder and apologized excessively whenever Alfred looked even a little bit uncomfortable. Needless to say, it was anything but perfect and ended up with Alfred taking control instead in order to get things moving along.

A few seconds later, Alfred called back, “I’m ready and waiting whenever you are!” He sounded excited. Good, Matthew was too. To be fair, Alfred’s set up would’ve been a little harder. The two of them had gone out and gotten a plastic fitted sheet for the bed that goes on top of the current fitted sheet so that clean up would be easier, and those things were a pain in the ass, an unpleasant one, to get on, _especially_ by yourself.

They had also installed a dimmer switch in their room recently to help set the mood when the time called for it. Candles were great and all, but they could be expensive, and were a fire hazard. Besides, neither of them liked having to get up from cuddling post-sex to blow out all of the candles so they didn’t burn the place down. Alfred insisted that they could just leave them on and blow them out whenever, but Matthew wasn’t an idiot or willing to take that risk.

Well, everything was ready now. It was time for the main event to get started. Matthew picked up the tray and made his way towards the bedroom with a grin on his face. Images of Alfred lying there naked, waiting for Matthew to start flooded through his head and edged him on even more. The Canadian reached the bedroom, opened the door, and-

“Well Mattie, is this what you’d hoped for~?” Alfred was sitting on the bed, a confident smirk on his face, though, really, it didn’t really fit what was in front of Matthew at the moment. Like, at all.

The lights were dim, the bed looked inviting, there was a gallon bottle of vanilla scented (and flavored) lube next to the bed, and Alfred was sitting on that bed, but, what didn’t make any sense and had Matthew’s boner confused was…

The fact that Alfred was in a lobster costume.

Like, not even a sexy lobster costume, one of those mascot ones with the big eyes and everything. Here Matthew was with a tray of sensual foods, and Alfred was dressed as seafood. He knew the American wasn’t always the brightest bulb in the shed, but how did he mess it up this badly…?

“Well Mattie, what do you think~?” Alfred asked, leaning forward with his, er, claws, planted on the bed, “I gotta say that this is kinda weird, but hey, I said I’m willing to try it and a hero never backs down!” The blonde winked at Matthew, who was doing everything in his power not to connect his palm to his face right about then.

Matthew sighed deeply, “Alfie, you know I love you, right? But you know you’re an idiot sometimes too, right?” He at least hoped that the other did, but to his luck it was looking like he didn’t as the blonde American just blinked, then proceeded to laugh, “Dude what are you talking about? You’re the one with things that don’t go with lobster! This is how food play works right?”

Oh god Alfred had _that_ smile on his face, the one which meant that on some level he knew he’d messed up, but if anyone pointed it out he was gonna start crying, and that meant that Matthew would have to baby him in order to get him to feel better.

Considering that Matthew actually wanted to get laid tonight, and tomorrow and the day after and the day after that, he decided to play along with it for now and hope that things would go better next time. The Canadian chuckled, “Yeah, you’re right, my bad Alfie. Give me another half hour to get things right, okay~? Then I’ll get to getting all that meat out of your shell~” Matthew winked and had to hold back a chuckle as Alfred’s face turned as red as his costume and he nodded vigorously.

Matthew returned to the kitchen, putting everything back in the fridge and wrapping up the whipped crème and strawberries and sighed, “Okay, how the H-E double hockey sticks am I going to make this sexy…?” The Canadian hummed and looked through the fridge for anything that could possibly work. His eyes scanned his options, and just as he was about to give up and accept the fact that he wasn’t getting any butt sex tonight, Matthew spotted a large tub sitting at the back.

Raising an eyebrow, he pushed things to the side and pulled the tub out, looking at the lid. According to it, it was a tub of butter with the words ‘for sexy times’ written in Alfred’s handwriting on the lid in marker. He opened it up, and low and behold, there was a full thing of butter in there, completely untouched and ready to be used.

The Canadian sighed, “Okay, I can work with this, I can do this… Alfred owes me big time for this.” He placed the tub on the counter and returned to the fridge. He found a few cloves of garlic and placed that on the counter next to the butter before getting a large pot and a knife. Looking between it and the tub of butter, he opted to go with a spoon instead, and started spooning the butter in to the pot. Matthew put the heat on high once it was all in and started stirring it, pausing to cut up the garlic and throw that in there too.

When the butter was all melted and seasoned properly, mostly with garlic and a little salt, Matthew moved it off the heat and waited for it to cool a bit. Once it was cool enough to not burn him, but still warm, Matthew picked up the pot with a grumble and moved to the bathroom. He took his glasses off, stepped into the bathtub, and proceeded to pour the entire pot all over him, covering himself in the garlic butter.

“Ugh, this feels disgusting…” Matthew stepped out of the tub, slipping a little but catching himself before he fell down. The blonde sighed in relief, then sat down and wiped his feet off so that he wouldn’t be slipping around all the time, or at least not as much, while walking. He made his way back to the bedroom, trying to play up his previous confidence again to match Alfred’s, “I’m back, is this any better~?” He’d been tempted to say _is this any butter?_ but held back for the time being. Maybe later, after he had fucked Alfred’s brains out.

Alfred blushed and licked his lips, “Mmmm~ You look tasty~”

Matthew blushed slightly at that, but walked towards the bed regardless, “I’m glad you think so~” He climbed onto the bed, towards the lobster-suit donning American and leaned in real close, “Why don’t we find out if you can make me melt in your mouth or not~?” Matthew whispered seductively into Alfred’s ear, earning a shudder from the other.

“S-Sure~” Alfred climbed onto the floor, sitting on his knees and looking up at his brother. Matthew sat on the edge of the bed, holding his cock out towards the other with a grin. The American licked his lips and started sucking on the tip of Matthew’s cock, the eye stalks of his costume bumping into him. Oddly enough, they were at the perfect height and distance from each other that they were able to rub against Matthew’s nipples, increasing his pleasure a tiny bit more.

“Aah~” Matthew moaned softly, mostly at the feeling of Alfred’s lips and tongue, but also partially at the stimulation to his chest too. Alfred smiled to himself at the reaction and started bobbing his head, taking in more and more of the other. Matthew moaned louder as the American took more of his cock in, arching his back lightly and reaching down to tangle his fingers in Alfred’s hair, only to be met by foam and fabric instead. Either way, he gripped it as best he could and pushed the blonde down a little further.

Alfred groaned in pleasure, the feeling of a thick cock going down his throat always made him feel good. He swirled his tongue around Matthew’s cock, going down the shaft as far as he could before running it along the glands, lightly scraping with his teeth as he bobbed his head.

Matthew could’ve cum just from that, but he didn’t want the fun to end just yet, “Alfie, that’s enough for now~”

Alfred pulled off with a nod, licking his lips as he looked up at the other blonde, “You know, you smell and taste like garlic, but it’s kinda working for me dude.” He chuckled, which resulted in Matthew groaning, “Just get your ass up on to the bed.” The American nodded and climbed up on to the bed, lying on his back and wiggling his hips which in turn caused his tail to wiggle.

The butter-coated Canadian snorted lightly at the sight and crawled over, “Alright, now how to get you out of your shell…?”

“Don’t worry, there’s a hatch back there that should open up.” Alfred blushed and Matthew raised an eyebrow, “You’re not serious are you?” That was when he noticed two buttons holding a flap in place, “You’re serious.” Matthew deadpanned, not sure whether to laugh or cry or groan at the strangeness of this situation. He was considering all three at this point, though he wasn’t sure in what order.

Matthew sighed deeply, then took a calming breath and undid the two buttons, which caused the flap that they had been holding in place to fall down, revealing Alfred’s soft, firm, and one hundred percent fuckable ass to him. The America wiggled his hips and shifted slightly, pushing his ass back more through the hole with a smile, “Come on Mattie, make me melt~” 

“My pleasure Alfie~” The Canadian started to reach for the lube, than noticed some garlic on his arm and was reminded of the butter coating his entire body. With a shrug, he just reached down and stroked his half-hard cock to fully coat it, and to get it fully hard too. Once he was ready, he gave another two or three strokes for good measure and gripped Alfred’s hips, or at least where he thought his hips were, it was kinda hard to tell with this suit on.

Matthew leaned down on top of Alfred, trying and failing to reach his head, which meant no sexy whispering for him it looked like, so he just spoke with his regular voice, “Are you ready~?” Alfred nodded vigorously, causing the eye stalks to bounce, “Uh-huh~ Don’t make me wait any longer Mattie, I want you to fuck my brains out already~” He purred.

“Well then, lets get all of that meat out of your shell~” He pushed into the ass presented in front of him, gasping slightly as the butter caused him to slip in farther then he had initially meant too. Fortunately Alfred didn’t seem to mind, and instead just moaned loudly, arching his back inside of the suit, “Ooooh~!”

Matthew held still for a little while, then started thrusting, slowly pushing in, then pulling out, then pushing in again, only a little bit deeper. He kept up this pacing until he was up to the hilt in Alfred, filling him up completely. Once Matthew was at that point, he started thrusting harder and faster, gripping on to him tighter as both of them were soon moaning and crying out in pleasure.

“Oh god, Mattie~! Ooh you’re cooking my shell~! You’re cooking me from the inside out and I’m loving it~!” Alfred cried out, clenching his fists. With each thrust, his cock would hit against the inside of the suit, making a soft slapping sound each time it did. It was a little distracting for Matthew, but at the same time, it was so damned hot that he just couldn’t really bring himself to care.

The Canadian smirked with a chuckle, “Well you’re most certainly not a soft shelled lobster are you~?” He bucked his hips in hard, hitting Alfred’s prostate which caused the blonde to scream out in pleasure, “Oh god~!! Mattie, keep hitting there, please, it feels sooo gooood~!” Alfred cried out, tightening around him.

Matthew moaned loudly and kept aiming for that little spongy bundle of nerves buried deep inside of Alfred, “It’s hard to get all this meat out of this shell, but it’s certainly worth it~” He moaned out. The butter was starting to wear off of his cock, but he was leaking enough pre-cum that it didn’t matter, Alfred was still lubed up enough to not cause any pain to either of them, just pure blinding pleasure.

Between the cock pounding in to his ass, the sparks of pleasure coming from his prostate, and the bouncing of his cock against the inside of the suit, it wasn’t long before Alfred climaxed with a strangled cry of pleasure, tightening around Matthew’s dick like a vice. A handful of thrusts later, and Matthew was filling up Alfred with his wasted seed, wrapping his arms around him and groaning loudly, shuddering in pleasure as white entered his field of vision and a glob of butter landed on his glasses from his hair.

The two of them remained like that for a while, before Matthew gently pulled out and lied down on the bed next to Alfred, panting and staring at the ceiling. Alfred got up momentarily, stripping off the suit before crawling back on to the bed, cuddling in to his brother and lover.

The younger North American twin wrapped his arms around Alfred, nuzzling his head, “That wasn’t too bad, to be honest.” He panted out. Alfred nodded and cuddled closer, “You’re kinda slimy now though,” He licked some of the butter off and hummed with a smile, “You taste good though.”

Matthew rolled his eyes and blushed, “Oh shut up you hoser, I only covered myself in butter to make you happy.” He muttered, causing the other to chuckle, “And it did, thanks Mattie~ You’re the best little brother in the world~” Matthew sighed softly and smiled, “Yeah yeah, you still owe me for this though.” He kissed his cheek and chuckled.

Meanwhile, in Spain, Lovino was just getting home from a meeting with his and Antonio’s bosses. The Spaniard had gone home earlier, leaving the last couple of notes for him to take care of. Grumbling as he entered the house, exhausted, he noticed something on the floor. Raising an eyebrow, he saw that it was a paper tomato. He raised an eyebrow, noticing that there was a trail of them leading to the bedroom.

“What the fuck…?” He placed his suitcase down by the door, and followed the trail. On the door there was a sticky note that read ‘open me for a tasty surprise’. Lovino sighed and rolled his eyes, this had the idiot written all over it. Still, maybe it would be nice? He opened the door, looked in, and was greeted…

By the sight of Antonio sitting on the bed in a tomato costume. Not covered in tomatoes, or even painted red like a tomato, just… wearing a mascot like tomato costume, with a hole cut out of the crotch for his penis to stick out of.

The Spaniard smiled at him, “Well, what do you think Lovi~? Alfred said at the last world meeting that he was going to try something similar, so I thought I’d-”

Before he could even finish his sentence, Lovino closed the door and made his way to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of wine, “I’m not drunk enough for that bastard’s shit…”

**Author's Note:**

> Just another stupid idea that I got and couldn't shake. XD Two college semesters down, one to go! In August, I'm a free woman! But until then, I'm stuck at college *Sob*
> 
> Here's some alternate titles for all of you:
> 
> Lobster with hot cum
> 
> Alfred can’t do sex
> 
> Apparently, butter works just as well as lube
> 
> Food play gone wrong?
> 
> Sexuali-sea
> 
> Recipe for Romance
> 
> Strawberries and whipped… butter?
> 
> Alfred in a lobster suit
> 
> Garlic usually isn’t sexy…
> 
> Brought to a boil
> 
> Look at that thick, juicy… tail?
> 
> Passion as red as a lobster tail
> 
> Lobster claws still don’t pack as much meat as me, the hero, does!
> 
> Hot enough to melt butter
> 
> Crackity Crack Crack Part 2


End file.
